--------------------------------------------------------------- STUDENTS AGAINST GRAVITY REVOLUTIONARY MANIFESTO --------------------------------------------------------------- STUMBLERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!!! SAG (Students Against Gravity) calls upon all oppressed underclasses of the world to unite in the struggle against the exploitive regime known as Gravity. SUAMP (Students United Against Meteorological Phenomena) joins us in our struggle against Gravity, while recognizing the need to simultaneously stand against the oppressive institution of Weather. The historic oppression of the falling classes by Gravity has led to the present condition of humanity around the globe. Just as a cow must be slaughtered before it can prove useful to society, so the time has come for the slaughter of this archaic system to make way for an advanced society. History is full of examples of gravitational oppression. In feudal societies, rulers gained power by throwing things at their enemies; those rulers who had the heaviest objects, or who best utilized the forces of Gravity, attained the most power. This power was maintained by building tall fortresses and dropping things from them on to the heads of the enemy, or of rebelling serfs. Later, when the serfs gained access to Gravitational forces, they used it to compete amongst each other, driving the human condition even further into the depths of corruption, despair and capitalism. Today, everyone is the slave of Gravity. While those who hold wealth and power may not realize it, we are all but pawns of the system. However, it is the poor and disenfranchised who are most directly affected by the Gravitational State. While the rich can ameliorate the effects of Gravity on their everyday lives, it is a constant force in the lives of the poor. The apartments of the rich have elevators; the poor must walk up stairs. The rich get facelifts when their skin begins to droop; the poor must be content with baggy flesh and triple chins. When a rich man falls from a sixth story window, he goes to the hospital and is taken care of; when the same happens to a poor man, he is left to die. These are a few reminders of the elitist nature of Gravity. In our zeal to smash Gravity, however, we must not forget the abominable oppression of the wet and freezing masses by Weather. The historic role of Weather in oppressing the wet and falling classes is clear; Weather's only achievement has been to drive down the underclasses of the world, and to prevent them from ever achieving the power of the Meteorological Elite. Weather's role is nowhere more apparent than in agriculture. The forces of Weather are inherently biased towards the rich, upperclass farmers. Rain has always been more plentiful on the fertile fields of the wealthy, successful farmers than on the arid plains of the poor. In recent history, Weather has always favored Capitalist nations over Socialist ones. The low productivity levels of Socialist agriculture can be directly attributed to the poor weather experienced by these countries. Draughts are more common in Socialist countries, as are debilitating floods and other natural disasters that leave their economies in shambles. To fully recognize the evil inherent in the twin institutions of Gravity and Weather, one must examine their origins in the arbitrary nature of the physical sciences. These entities were created not by the will of the people but as a capricious whim of arbitrary and unjust authority. They are perpetuated by the capitalist system. Clearly it is our duty to stand against these two evil institutions. The time for slaughtering these two archaic cows has come! We must fulfill our historic responsibility, and transform the old systems into new, socially desirable ones! The Barbeque of the Masses is upon us! Stumblers of the world, UNITE! -- Britz, with Aaron